Because Carrara marble looks cheap...

we're entertaining these two options for the kitchen:

No, your screen is not dirty, our white cabinets are just that mucked up from construction. Nothing a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser won't fix. I say that about the blackheads on my nose too.

Here's a closer look at the option that is probably more B'ton-friendly:

Since our current counter space is about the size of one of these samples, I suggested we just lift two from Home Depot and call it a day. Strangely Woody was not into this idea.

Drywall begins!

This past week a huge truckload of 4.5x12 pieces of drywall arrived! While they are much larger than the drywall that Mike, Eric and Woody put up in the master bedroom this summer, they do lack the certain joo-noo-say-qua of construction fueled by PBR. Healthily, Kenneth and crew don't seem to have developed the close personal relationships with particular pieces of sheetrock that the Brooks crew did:


That said, Kenneth and crew threw down and got a ton done! The hallway and back bedroom look like rooms (or, er, hallways)!


While it is now difficult to find the fridge in the sea of drywall newness, it is not impossible as large chunks of loose insulation are still clinging to it (*shudder*).


The ceilings are up in the living room, dining room and kitchen as well. It is slightly disorienting to no longer be able to see into the attic from the first floor anymore. Still cannot decide whether it feels claustrophobic...or posh.

The heat is on! The heat is o-on!

It's feeling very toasty and Beverly Hills Cop on up in 517 O'Neal! The heat is on! It's o-on! Tell me do you feel it? Tell me do you feel it? Tell...me...do...you...feel...it? The heat is (drum drum drum drum) ON!

Need to dust off your 80s dance moves to join in the celebration? Check out the fine video incorporating hot footage of number 2 recording artist Glenn Frye and Eddie Murphy. Try not to dance...it's impossible. Go ahead, do some synchronizer clapping, let down that mullet, cue up the smoke...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-mU-YSk32I

I have gone up to our thermostat no less than three times and done this:

Then I laugh like Eddie Murphy in "Coming to America." I'm rooting around for either my tribal wear or leather pants to get the full effect going.

Q: What has more cans than...

This endangered and sugary species

The tobacco that launched a thousand prank calls
("Do you have Prince Albert in a Can? Yes. Well, you better go let him out!")

The dance that fueled Moulin Rouge

The soup that fueled Andy Warhol's career (Mmm mmm good!)

A: Our house! And they're not half-full Dr. Pepper cans this time! They're lovely working can lights.


They are operated with these strange plastic wands (like you don't even have to root around for an extension cord to get them to go on).


Woody spent all day yesterday installing many many of them and then flipping them on and off with delirious glee. I was especially tickled that you could flip a switch downstairs and have a light come on upstairs. (Try not to be envious, just try.) The entire downstairs and upstairs of the house are bright! Woody claims the kitchen is as bright as the surface of the sun but I am not entirely convinced he speaks from experience.

Padded room

The renovation process has finally unhinged Woody and I. And being that I shrunk our straitjackets at the laundromat last week, we've decided to have all the walls in the house padded. That way when we cannot possibly take another deliciously rare steak off the grill...d'oh! Optimism has gone and ruined my comedic stylings again. I must start thinking that the plastic Solo cups we drink out of are half-empty.

But for reals, I did have a very no-wire-hangers moment when I returned home and saw this:

Shoveling up fallen loose insulation took up most of my spare moments when we had a leaky roof and the ceiling routinely caved in and dumped the stuff out of the attic. I now hate loose insulation. I think Woody saw me quaking with fear/ loathing and kept soothingly saying "But this is the best kind, I swear." I had trouble hearing him as I was rocking back and forth and repeating "Want the pink stuff, thought it would be the pink stuff..."

The insulation has made the upstairs really start looking like a couple of rooms! Maybe using exclamation points will prevent me from breaking out in a cold sweat while posting these pics!

The process of putting in (as opposed to picking up) loose insulation is actually pretty cool. There are yards and yards of gauzy fabric tacked up to the ceiling to support the stuff they are going to blow in today. It makes the whole place look like considerate and anal spiders very deliberately made their way across the rafters. I have considered going Von Trapp on the material and making a nice dress out of it. But if I do this, insulation will fall down...and I don't feel like going into the fetal position again.


The insulation makes the whole place quieter and cozier and means that drywall will go up next!

Stamp of approval!

We passed rough-in inspection, yahoo! What does this mean? It means this:

and this:


Woody and I can't wait until the Pink Panther and this green-complected cartoon doctor finish our insulation and jolt our furnace to life, respectively. Imagine it -- central heat! Maybe by Christmas!

The return of outdoor lighting!

We had outdoor lighting for a while thanks to Woody's wiring of a motion detector light in the back but with wiring complications it disappeared...now it's back! With the brand spanking new addition of a front porch light! We had planned on sitting out on the front porch and soaking in this fixture's retro charm. However, the mint juleps just didn't taste the same when the temperature dropped below 40.

On guard!

Here Woody prepares to parry with some poultry over our Thanksgiving visit to Maryland. We both spent most of the time in the kitchen as we hadn't touched one in a while. Apparently there are these new-fangled machines that let you cook inside and don't require fiddling with a propane tank. I was told they're called stoves. Don't ask me, I think it's French.

Crock Pot Couture

Here Woody models the latest headwear from the fine small appliance company Hamiton Beach. This is a day into evening accessory as you can wear it to an event and then prepare Swedish meatballs in it later. A must have for any serious fashionista/slow cooker aficionado.

The only way to really get rid of wallpaper...

is to just get rid of the damn walls! Kenneth and crew ripped down the drywall that I had spritzed with fabric softener (making our house smell like a manic laundromat) and then vinegar (making our house smell like a giant salad bar) in several gruesome attempts to get down the wallpaper. I succeeded...but in the most heinous way possible, remember? Remember how some idjiots used WOOD GLUE to put up wallpaper? REMEMBER??? If not, then behold the awfulness:

We came to the conclusion that there was nothing that could be done to remedy this. Nothing, that is, short of putting up wood paneling. And wood paneling should never be an option. Put in the situation of having to choose evil 1970s design elements, I would rather apply shag carpeting directly to the walls. Which I have heard Tommy Lee did to a room in his house.

So we have gone from this...

to this. A fresh start is always a good thing.

Concrete bonde

The concrete truck arrived today, making our house look even more like a live action Tonka truck ad!

Our giant trucks:

Their giant trucks:

The cement truck spewed forth a slurry of concrete onto the gravel trough Woody and Kenneth had dug in our backyard and -- voila! -- we have a parking pad!

The finished product!!! Room enough for three cars and some serious unloading after Costco trips!

We also had the front walk poured, it looks great! Check out the new front door as well! It will soon be painted a deep red.

A man...and his dog...and his skid steer

Is there a better trifecta of testosterone than a man, his old biddy beagle and his trusty skid steer? Maybe, but not in B'ton. Here Maddy has stormed the piece of power equipment to better pilot it with her thumb-deprived paws:


We filled up the dumpster with nearly all of the two shed-sized piles of crap in our yard. There was lots of dirt, debris and two filthy teddy bears from under the house in there. (Like the petrified Q Tip, the filthy teddy bears were too disturbing to post in picture form.)

I tried to convince Woody that Kenneth could in fact run faster than the skid steer but he continued to try to head butt his father with the machine:

Nicest piece of disturbing junk yet

Kenneth and crew came upon this fine Wyoming keychain in the backyard and contributed it to the growing collection of disturbing junk. Though, I have to say, the weight of the keychain and the finely wrought buffalo (Bison? Is there a difference?) make me feel like we could make some good money on this artifact at one of B'ton's pawn shops...

Shutter to think

In light of the tornado that tore threw Clemson a few weeks ago, Woody and I decided to arm our house against the elements with shutters. These will no doubt fend off 50 mph winds with their unrelenting charm.

The front porch fan, house numbers and brand new mailbox are also up:

We plan on dipping Maddy in concrete and making her our house mascot.

Pergola!

Posing on our back porch

Kenneth and crew took their sweet time doing the mosaic inlay, but finally our back porch is complete. Woody and I pose here in front of it:


As you can see it turned out to be a simpler and more rustic affair than we had originally imagined. Kenneth advised against the cupids supporting the gold plated Weber grill but relented on the gargoyles. We are still negotiating about the gondolas and the canal...

The biggest burrito in B'ton

Super Taco's fried monstrosity of tortilla-swaddled deliciousness the El Dorado has nothing on the floating burrito in our hallway. Walking from the kitchen to the living room is like walking below a giant cumulus burrito cloud. Imagine how nice it would be for it to rain guacamole, imagine it...

Pillars of the community

Our front and back porches are looking great! All the porch columns are in and we have a new back door. The backdoor overhang has been shingled and sided and the wood columns are set for the pergola to be attached. Only a few short weeks, er, months until our "water feature"!

The good kind of glass ceiling

You know, the kind you don't have to wear very large shoulder pads and sneakers with hose to surpass. We came home today to find the ceilings in both the kitchen and the dining room lowered -- this is grrrrreat! "Why?", you may be thinking, "it looks just like all the rest of the pictures of lumber that you all insist on wasting gigs of cyberspace on." Well this lumber is the first step in us getting central heat and air AND lighting (like lighting not run off extension cords!) in these areas!

The kitchen

The dining room

So now your bellyaching about pictures of lumber sounds pretty foolish, doesn't it? Doesn't it?

A new version of Windows

And this version actually represents an improvement rather than some strange and nasty variation of the old version. (Hell, I'm an Apple user so none of these problems plague me. Woody may say I've drunk the Mac Kool Aid, but I say...Kool Aid is tasty!)

Here are the two new windows Kenneth and crew installed in the back bedroom:

The back bedroom is the sunniest room in the house so two windows on one side is plenty.

We also had a new window installed over the kitchen sink, replacing the nastiest, spideriest window in the whole joint. I need to ask tomorrow, but I'm quite certain they turned up something that looked like Jeff Goldbloom from The Fly while installing this window. (You can click on those blue words and it will take you to a nasty image of The Fly. Be forewarned.)

Woody installed the first official "fixture" in the kitchen shortly after this photo was taken -- a can light centered over the sink, woohoo!

The window on the far side of our bedroom was replaced as well, only two windows remain to be redone (the two in the front of our bedroom).

These windows are helping a ton in keeping what little heat we can generate in the house, it's cozy in the bedroom and tolerable everywhere else!

Kitchen demolitchen

While I was peeling myself off Bourbon Street after a half dozen Hurricanes at my conference in New Orleans, Woody and Cuz worked on demolishing the kitchen!

The cabinets are gone (obviously) and the drywall has come down leaving only the insulation -- on to the wiring!

Smaller than a supercomputer

but larger than a breadbox is our new furnace/ air handler! Doesn't it look technical and menacing? Woody has been trying to play Yahtzee with it (á la Gary Kasparov vs. Deep Blue):


Woody seems to be winning but I trust the furnace will make a turnaround any time now. And when it does it will suck Woody into the shiny metal maw we found in our hallway today...


And it will choke. Last time I checked Woody's biceps were bigger than the venting we have running through our attic. One again, his robust build saves him... However, I'm quite sure we can shoot Maddy around pneumatic style if we shove her in there hard enough.